Tayari's Blog: Falling Off the Wagon
Posted by TayariJones on June 19, 2005 09:08 AM
Filed under
Writing
Claudia asked me to write an entry about the times when I fall off my writing schedule. When I was working on LEAVING ATLANTA and THE UNTELLING, this wasn't a problem. Back then, I was a full-time writer. The good thing about being a full time writer is that you have plenty of time--- afterall, you have no MONEY so you can't go anywhere. But now that I am working full time and travelling with THE UNTELLING, I find myself doing what I never thought I'd do-- I'm sacrificing my writing time.
I have been on the road pretty much since April. I've taken my spiral notebook and favorite pen with me, so I have been scribbling on the new project, but I haven't been able to do that deep down concentration with much frequency. It's almost as if I need a deep tissue massage and all I can do is smear some baby oil accross my shoulder blades.
I was home last week for several days, so I was able to work on the opening. I intended to send myself the file so I could read it while I am in Atlanta, but I sent myself the wrong thing so here I am with nothing to work on.
I think they key is this: I know that it takes a long time to write a good novel. It will take me at least two years, but probably three. I can't beat myself up for missing these days. All I can do is promise myself that I will do better. And I will do better. Life happens and sometimes you end up making sacrifices.
I'll get home Monday evening. Tuesday morning I will be writing again. Whatever happens, I don't want to associate my writing with guilt. I have enough stuff to feel guilty about. I have enough stuff to feel sad about already. My writing is mine, it's I love to do and I'm just glad to know, on days like this when I am tired and a little disheartened, that it will be there waiting whenever I get a chance to sit myself down and open m heart.
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There are 2 comments on "Falling Off the Wagon". If you'd like to leave a comment, click here to jump down to the comments entry form.
Comment #1, by Siren (Claudia)
Thank you. A straightforward response. I have come to the same conclusion about falling off the wagon, thus I love to learn what other writers think about falling, what other writers feel when they fall. Once upon a time, I would whip myself more viciously than anyone could ever whip me for falling. But I had to walk through healing, redemptive rain and realize that whatever will be, will be. And I began to look at life differently. I accepted and loved myself more. IF I didn't hold to a rigid writing schedule due to teaching, mothering, partying, I forgave myself and wrote on--happily--when next I did sit to write. I realized I WROTE all the time...in my head. I was forever scripting first lines of poems and crafting characters and situations and twists and endings. Eventually, I found myself keeping a little pad from time to time to catch these mental gems. I began to make better use of my journal, the beloved minefield I traverse before I begin some fiction-writing sessions. I realized that I am studying writing when I read. I came to see my teaching of English as a fluid part of my writing, as I LOVE teaching others to love the skills of reading and writing. So yes...I have come a looong way from the days of living a stringent life of working and writing, no weekend fun or family time, ONLY WRITING. My life is, as Vanzant might say, "balanced." I richly live it MY WAY, to quote Frankie S. Oh! And when I read and respond to your blog topics, I am loving my gifts for reading and writing.
DID YOU WRITE A BLOG ON TERI MCMILLAN? I thought I saw something about gyrlfriend. Can't find it in your search window. Help a sistah out. I'd love to read what you wrote about her new novel and new update in her life.
Sisters in solitude,
C
July 13, 2005 12:57 PM
Comment #2, by Nicole Shaw
I had the hornor of reviewing your book The Untelling, for Black Issues Book Review. Amoungst the throng of books that masqerade as literature, yours truly is. There is a distict differnce between writing and literature. Thanks for making that distinction clear in your books!
July 28, 2005 06:04 PM