Tayari's Blog: Some Thoughts on Terry MacMillan

Comment #1, by Kevin C

I find it funny that this story breaks within weeks of Terry's new novel release. I myself refuse to entertain the discussion of this otherwise private matter. She is not the first woman in the world duped by a man gay or straight. What she and other women like her need to do is be honest with themselves. And stop living in the "El DeBarge syndrome" (light skin, good hair)mess!

Comment #2, by Ladylee

There seems to be a really fine yet fuzzy line between using your own life experiences as fodder for creating fictional stories and creating stories from the depths of your true imagination. On the positive tip, it's is easier to write about things you've experienced, but it can boomerang, like we see here with Terry McMillan. True, she made a ton of money writing How Stella Got her Groove Back. But now her business is out in the street. Suddenly, the negative comments people made back when she first started showing this guy off seem to be true. When someone sent an article to me concerning TM's impending divorce, my thoughts pretty much lined up with those of your friends: Wow, I bet she's gonna pen a serious fiction book about this experience...and make a ton of money in the process.

Comment #3, by TGM

Did Ms. MacMillan perverted her credibility as a fiction writer by drawing upon a true life story, however it be someone elses' or her own?
If it breaches the ethical standard of fictional genre and if she knew it then she has cheated, but if its just a matter of falling little below ideal, then lets give her a chance, because all human comes from the same flawed stock, wouldn't you agree? It would be very nice if we find it in our hearts it wish her better luck next time, and just keep on writing.

Comment #4, by tayari

I don't think that it is in anyway wrong or dishonest to draw from our life )or anyone else's) for fiction. That's just the way some people approach the project. Look at Baldwin-- GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN is very autobiographical. No crime there.

What I am really concerned about is the way that authors are really pushed/encouraged/expected to draw a sort of literal link between their writing and the story in order to make for better media experierences. And to meet the expectations of some readers.

Comment #5, by vil4real

It is my opinion that Terry MacMillan's life is the exact thing that makes her book such a great read. Books and movies that are based on real life experiences make for great entertainment. We as Americans or just people in general have a tendency to thrive off of other peoples' triumphs and failures. For some reason it gives us assurance, when faced with the same situations, that we are not alone. This holds true whether it's a Celebrity or just one of your long time girlfriends or guy friends. The truth gives a person or persons who maybe going through the same thing or have experienced the same pain or joy a sense of belonging. So, when someone as talented as Ms. MacMillan retell her story in such a way that you feel like she was on the outside of your life peeking in an open window, it makes you feel like you are not along with your problems. And at the end of that last chapter, last paragraph and last word, when Ms. MacMillian has worked out her anger, problems and ironed out the pain to the point that she can now face another day, than so can anyone. As far as Ms. MacMillian's dealing with the deceitfulness of her husband all I can say is that I can not begin to say that I know how she feels, because I don't, but I'll tell you this, if she does write about it and if I or any of my friends ever experience anything to that nature, then I know I'll be one step ahead of the game on how to handle or not handle the situation. Ms. MacMillian lives in a glass house and just because her life is not private, does that make her pain any less? I'm a writer and the only thing better than talking it out with your friends, minister or family member is writing it down on paper. So I say to all of you that think this is a way for Ms. McMillan to sell books and if you haven't used something in or about your life to sell yourself (may be your personality on a job interview; your wittiness on a date), cast the first stone.

Comment #6, by Phyllis

I feel very deeply for Ms. MacMillan and believe that her situation touches on much deeper issues, i.e., foreigners marrying American women to obtain citizenship, validity of the marriage (since it was based on a lie), men on the down low, older women and younger men, etc.

Mr. Plummer has a lot of nerve to even think about trying to extort money from Ms. MacMillan, especially after all she has done for him. It is ludicrous and absurd.
I believe he thought she would just pay him to go away quietly--because of the embarrassment and shame he thought she would experience. However, I am glad that she has decided to put up a fight. He is the one who should be ashamed. However, he does not. He is an amoral and immoral person.

Comment #7, by tayari

To play Devil's advocate... are there any thoughts about American woman going mostly to developing nations because husbands are suppossed to be easy to snag there? Is there anything exploitative to try and use your "Americaness" to attract a person from a country that is not as well off?

Comment #8, by Siren

T,
I am in love with your site, but I've got to release this blog and blog some other things. First, let me say I understand your concern about authors being encouraged to write under the "I DID it! complex." Writing that sets out to do what the author wants it to do: tell a story to the best of the author's ability, should be accepted for just that, not whether or not it is fiction or autobiography.
And second, I relish, in short, the questions you posed about women using the attraction of their "Americanism" to attract third-world hubbies. Wow! Is that a mouthful of a Devil's advocate scenario! You talk about exploitation! That is exploiting another to the ninth degree. What young, television-baptised, third-world gentleman is going to be resolved enough to tell an attractive, older American woman, "No, way, gyrlfriend, the possibilities of me falling victim to your money and privilege to be able to visit my country for a week and sunbath without a care no larger than trying to get me into your luggage are null and void. No, Missy, I am uninterested in not working for the pennies these Indians pay me in the sweatshops of jewelry stores and other shops frequented by you and your gyrlfriends on vacation. Uh huh! I cannot imagine swooning you long enough to gain a U.S. citizenship so that I can get on with my new, easier life and hook up with a sistah more my own age. No way! No way! You will not be my "white liver" lady. I do not want your money. I am not desperate, unlike you." White liver, I learned while visiting Ocho Rios two weeks ago, refers to women who LOVE sex! I was hit on by so many young and older Jamaican men, I nearly checked my passport to determine if my name was Stella! They wanted my address and number, but I knew what the deal was. I accepted their information, to give them some semblance of hope and promptly listened to their stories, which all of them had, and I just as promptly recorded them in my journal. They were desperate to leave Jamaica by any means necessary, while hanging onto the tail of the jet marked "Do you date younger men?"

Ooops! My sister just walked into the room and, wanting in on your blog, says, "A seasoned desperate woman goes after an unemployed young man deserves what she gets. It's not about gay anything or DL nothing. She used him, he used her, and TM needs to pay that man his money! Period."

Everybody is entitled to her opinion!

Comment #9, by Jamila

I feel nothing but sympathy for anyone that has been used, hurt, betrayed, stepped on, etc. But the thing that people must realize is that we are humans and humans do stupid things, make mistakes, act without thinking, you name it. But my thing is that Terry is no different from any woman or man who has been through the same bull. The only difference is that she is a celebrity and unfortuanantly they are always in the public eye and their business, whether they like it or not, is going to be latest headline on a magazine cover. I feel that neither one of these two in this particular situation were wrong or right. Mainly because we weren't in that house with them. I do feel somewhat that there may have been some deception on his part but who knows.
I have come to the realization that you can never really know a person, no matter how long you have known them. I think that deep down inside, we all want to have a storyline similar to Stella's. Even tough we all have had those realtionships that seem great majority of the time, just be realistic that not everyone has a happy ending. The only thing that I can say is we just should try to be careful with anyone you meet. Everyone can't be the prince or princess charming.

Comment #10, by ty

i just heard about terry macmillian and i do feel bad for her. i would like to comment on something someone wrote in. men go abroad and get wives everyday and they also do the mail order bride thing and people do not see anything wrong with it. she did nothing wrong. i have read the book "on the down low" and also the book by his hurt wife called "on the up and up". i feel he should have told terry he was gay from the gate believe me he knew already and he probably only wanted a free ride. on the other hand why marry a man young enough to be your son whom you have to take care of? that is crazy. she should have found someone more compatiable with her and her own child.someone who had something more to offer than sex and some "i love yous".it is a shame how you can show someone a little attention and they will give you all that he or she has and in the end get hurt and humiliated.one thing i have learned in the 36 years i have been on earth is do not tell everyone about your relationship and do not "brag" on your mate. you just may end up embarrassed and hurt.

Comment #11, by pam

I dont really mind her writting about her life. I prefer fiction myself. If its true that terry made money writing about her experience and may do so again now plummer is gone, dont you think its only fair they should both profit? Or is he just interesting material to us. Why do most people feel she was exploited? We dont know what happened.

Comment #12, by tommy jonq

talk about johnny come lately:

i'm just now reading this novel, which hopefully explains why i'm responding two years late. basically, i think that's what artists do: they hang on the cross for everybody else. macmillan wrote a book on the theme of "fools fall in love." it turned out that that, like the rest of us, she was indeed a fool in love. that's the whole point. she got paid for sharing, and he got paid as well, i'm sure. we didn't hand her or her publisher our money because we thought the book was some kind of harry potter fantasy; we believed the book, whether it was real or not. in some ways, it turned out all too real. it's like the difference between whitney houston and jessica simpson. whitney sounds like she's singing about sincere emotional conflicts and pain because she is. jessica simpson is faking it and you can hear it in her voice. no wonder people prefer whitney to jessica. a story like "stella" only matters to the reader because it mattered to the writer. as a man, i'm rather surprised at how silly, banal, and downright boring the book is, but as a writer i'm smart enough to understand that the things that matter to female readers are different from the things that matter to male readers. i do appreciate the irony—traditionally, it's relatively easy for an older man WITH MONEY to attract a younger woman. that's simply not fair. well, here's a story about a younger man who marries an older woman—for her money. and it turns out about as well for her as it did for anna nicole smith's second "husband." and i do think that the very banality of the whole thing is a testament to its fundamental believability—our love lives are never quite as interesting as we think they are. now, if only i could become smart enough to respond to CURRENT blogs.