Tayari's Blog: BLESSED INDIFFERENCE

Let me elaborate.

All my life I've wanted to be a writer. If you're read any of my work, you can imagine that I was the sort of kid who took myself and life very seriously. When I was eight, I knew I was going to be a writer. Nobody believed me or encouraged me, but it didn't matter.

You know, I can say now that this was the greatest blessing of my life. I don't know what I would have written if I had been able to use my writing as a way to garner praise and attention from my parents. My guess is that I would have tailored my ideas to get that pat on the head.

Because, really, I wanted that pat on the head. I think that much of the reason I worked so hard in college was the get their attention, for them to think that I was a special child. So I studdied hard, I won scholarships, and received a pat or two.

But I never considered my parents when I was trying to write. Why? Because they didn't really care about it. No one asked what I was doing with that Smith Corona wordprocessor I'd saved so long for. (I was writing a collection of stories.)

The first time I applied to an MFA program, I pawned the flute I played in highschool, to pay for computer rental and application fees. When I mentioned this to my parents recently, they said, "We didn't know! We would have helped you!" And I believe that they would have. But the point is that I had no reason to believe that anyone was interested in this crazy career plan of mine.

The second blessing of my life is that no one tried to stop me either. No one said, DON'T be a writer. No one said, STOP scribbling.

So I worked on my own, for my own reasons. I found wonderful mentors along the way, working writers who invited me to join the ranks.

When my first novel was published, my family was pleased and surprised. They've been properly impressed and supportive. I have to admit that now that I have everyone's attention, I have to tune it out when I sit down to write. I don't know that I would have been able to do that as a very young writer.

So, I want to thank my parents for leaving me to my own devices. I want to thank them for not stopping me when I tried to reach my goals. I want to thank them for letting me struggle by myself, so I feel an ownership of what I've ammassed. They let me be me and stayed out of it, for better or for worse.

I'll always be grateful.