Tayari's Blog: JOY CASTRO

Comment #1, by Cherlyn

This does sound interesting. I come from a family with a heavy religious background as well. I'd love to read about her story. I'm going to her site to check it out.

Comment #2, by XENIA

Thanks for letting me know about Joy's book. I love to read memoirs, especially about people who have persevered in the face of child abuse. I can't wait to read her book.

Comment #3, by Heidi

As a former JW, I read Dr. Castro's book with great interest. Her situation was unfortunately not unique, and I think that her story will be a great resource of understanding and strength for many. The quality of the writing is excellent. I cried, laughed, and looked up at the stars. What more could one ask?

Comment #4, by Ms.Love

I have not read Ms. Castro's book, however I do plan to do so. As a former JW, I'd love to see if her feelings and thoughts are like mine. While I did not grow up in that atmosphere, I can relate. I began studying with them when I was 18. I thought it was the truth. Now that I'm 40ish, and look back I wonder about so much of what I had learned. I now strive continuously to have a relationship with God that is untainted by what anyone group can dictate how that relationship should be.

It has not been an easy road of "recovery" for me, I'm just glad that I didn't do that to my children. For me, I just could not understand why a God who is so loving and loves the world so much to give his son's life, would bestow such mean and harsh punishment for not following their rules.

Throughout the Bible, God is merciful. With JW's, you mess up and you're out. That's cruel. Sometimes people need help and counseling, not to be kicked out and left for dead. And even when they don't kick you out, everyone knows what you've done and gossip about it. Then there are those who are doing the worst and are allowed to continue on with a little private reproof.

I know someone who has been disfellowshipped and reinstated 4 times. To me, that means that he has a problem and maybe need counseling and not public ridicule. Excessive torture if you ask me.

Comment #5, by Lurea Herman

I was recently given the article that Joy Castro published in the NY Times Magazine which was an essay lifted from her new book.

I was interested because I too was raised as one of Jehovah's Witness. I too have found my spiritual life as an adult else where.

I have not yet had the opportunity to read the actual book, but the article made me feel sad for her -- Not because of what she endured but because it seems like all she carried with her was the bad.

Joy Castro's article touched on the principle of male headship in the home – both her stepfather's abuse of it & her mother's unwillingness to stand up to him, under the guise of submission. Men who use the headship principle as carte blanche to run rough shod over their families have forgotten the scriptures that tell them to honor their wives and to not belittle their children. They ignore the scriptures that tell all of us, including husbands, that we should have the humility to admit our mistakes and ask for forgiveness if necessary. Also, submission does not mean sitting mutely and doing what someone else decrees when you know it is wrong. While all children need boundaries and discipline, there is a huge difference between discipline and abusive punishment.

I never felt that Jehovah's Witnesses, as a whole, condoned the distortion of these principles, but they also didn't corner the market on fulfilling them.

I find myself today in a place where I do not paint all of Jehovah's Witnesses with the same brush. They are no different than any other organization. Some people are wonderful. Some people are not. They are all human.

I do not believe that "the Truth", as Jehovah's Witnesses know it, is the only way to have a healthy relationship with God.

I believe that there is one spiritual mountain top, but many sides to that mountain and many paths on it. Any of these paths could lead you to the top. One of the things has that struck me in my readings is that the basic tenants of any major religion or spiritual path are the same. Whether Buddhist, Islam or Christian – all teach Love, Forgiveness, Compassion, Honesty. Different paths, same methods and goal: Peace. It is only when human beings, in any of these paths, allow their egos to go out of control, and to imprint there own agenda on the doctrine, that there are problems. This is how we end up with extremists and a corruption of the path. This applies to white supremacist Christians like Timothy McVey who blew up the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma. It also explains the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center on 9/11 with their bastardization of Islam.

While I absolutely remember experiences I would not want to repeat – Witnesses who I would not spend time with today, I am grateful for most of my experiences. I know that my ability to talk to people today, without being self conscious, has its roots in all those "talks" I gave in Thursday night Ministry School and each Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon I spent going door-to-door. I learned self discipline. Joy Castro says she feels that being made to sit quietly through the meetings three time a week was about forcing a child to be behave like an adult. I don't. I see it as children being taught behavior appropriate to time and place. Not all Witness parents achieved this goal with the abusive methods her mother chose. Too many children today are missing this education, to their detriment.

Safe guarding my own spiritual health leads me to work toward showing love and forgiveness, whether it was shown to me or not. This includes Jehovah's Witnesses as well as others in my life. It leads me to try to balance the bad memories with the good.

She ended her article by saying that when Jehovah's Witnesses come to her door today, she tells them that she is "an apostate". She says "their eyes widen at the word" and they "back away from my door".

This made feel as though – even after more than twenty years – she fears them. That the effects of the bad choices of her parents have not healed even though she has moved on in her life. If these are her feelings, she has not really freed herself from the Witnesses. One of my favorite quotes is "Forgiveness is the key to inner peace because it is the mental technique by which our thoughts are transformed from fear to love." (Marianne Williamson/The Course In Miracles).

Today, when I see one of Jehovah's Witness at my door, I know I have nothing to fear from them. I tell them that I understand what they are doing – that I was in fact raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses but have chosen a different path for my relationship with God. I smile and wish them a joyful day.

Comment #6, by Gay

Excellent work, and awesome links! Hope you don’t mind me linking you! :)

Comment #7, by silent_owl

i read a summary of her book and she talked about the abuse from her step-father that was a JW who married her mother a JW after she divorced her father who also got disfellowshipped perhaps around the time of the divorce. she eventually moved in her father after she ran away from her mother. her major problem with the organization was seemingly the fact that they "supported" her stepfather's actions and a quote from the review of her book by philip coons, "As the head of the household, he was considered free to discipline his wife and children in any fashion he chose.".............................

biblically the elders are meant to try to resolve problems brought to them and discipline members when appropriate, bible instructions are strictly followed, matthew 18:16,17.. take one or more witnesses....at the mouth of one or more witnesses every matter may be established. if he does not listen to them, let him be to you just as a man of the nations...in other words take him to court.
if her mother wasn't supportive enough to be her witness, her father should have reported to authorities. the bible instructed the victim to take further steps, not the congregation (or church). the catholic church for example is not obliged by law to reveal the confessions made to priests to authorities, it is a religious and moral right and privilege, it is up to the accused and accuser(s) to go to authorities, all the elders can do is advise, reprove or disfellowship...............................

i understand why someone that left at the age of "fourteen" and went on to live with a former JW would feel this way, i don't think her father (who was disfellowshipped) would tell sweet stories about the organization. a personal research will help anyone in understanding the policy of the watchtower as a matter of fact an independent group (with no personal vendetta) have some things to say about them.......................
www.religioustolerance.org/witness.htm

or go to the official website of JW.................
www.watchtower.org/

Comment #8, by chaliewood

IT HURTS MY HEART TO HEAR ALL THESE BAD COMMENTS ABOUT JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE SAYING THAT THEY WANT TO SERVE GOD THE WAY THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH. BUT, WHAT THEY FAIL TO REALIZE IS THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, IT IS A THEOCRACY. WE DO NOT DETERMINE HOW WE WANT TO SERVE GOD, BUT WE SERVE GOD THE WAY HE TELLS US TO. THE BIBLE TELLS US THAT WE HAVE TO PUT ON A NEW PERSONALITY, THAT IS TO DO THINGS THE WAY GOD APPROVES OF THEM AND MAKE IT OUR PERSONALITY, OUR WAY OF LIFE, EVEN IF WE DO NOT AGREE. WHY, BECAUSE HE CREATED US AND HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US. BEFORE JESUS TIME IF PEOPLE DID THE THINGS THAT WE DO TODAY THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN STONED AND LEFT FOR DEAD. BUT NOW GOD SAYS THAT IF A PERSON DOES NOT SHOW THAT HE IS TRULY REPENTENT THEN HE SHOULD BE THROWN OUT OF THE CONGREGATION. THIS IS A PROTECTION FOR THE PURITY OF GODS CONGREGATION. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH IT, YOUR PROBLEM SHOULD NOT BE WITH JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES, BUT WITH GOD, FOR THEY ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT GOD SAYS AND THE PROOF IS THAT IT WORKS, BECAUSE THE COMPLAINING ATTITUDE I SEE ON THIS SITE SHOWS THAT THERE ARE INDIVIDUALS THAT WILL REFUSE TO PUT ON A NEW PERSONALITY, AND SERVE GOD THE WAY HE WANTS TO BE SERVE. GOD ALSO SAID THE WAY TO BRING PEOPLE TO HIM WAS TO BE IN AN ORGANIZED WAY, PREACHING FROM DOOR TO DOOR IN TWOS. THIS IS NOTHING NEW, ANYONE FAMILIAR WITH THE BIBLE AND A TRUE SERVANT OF GOD KNOWS THIS. WHY DON'T THEY DO IT WELL. JESUS SAID " HE WHO IS NOT WITH ME IS AGAINST ME" TRULY THIS WOULD MAKE ANYONE WHO DOES NOT FOLLOW GOD STANDARDS THE ANTICHRIST. AND THE BIBLE CLEARLY STATES THE IS NOT JUST ONE ANTICHRIST BUT MANY ANTICHRIST. ALL I CAN SAY IS "PROPHECY FULFILLED"