Tayari's Blog: Do You Dream?

Comment #1, by Michael Fischer

I always thought that everyone had dreams, just that some people remember them and some people don't. So maybe it's a question of "dream memory"??

Comment #2, by Ladylee

Tayari... you really need to work on getting your LURKERS to leave comments... LOL. So just for that, I will leave a LOOONG comment.

I read this post yesterday, and thought hard about it, and I must say, I can't recall having some absolute passion that has driven me as a child, I never wanted to be a singer, ballerina, i.e., all those typical things that little girls desire to be when they grow up. While growing up, since the age of 5 or 6, I constantly heard from my family "You're going to be a doctor or a lawyer", so while those were not my passions, that was all I thought about. That was expected of me, you see, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. As a result, I am a doctor (just not medical, which completely confused my family, LOL). I can't say that this is my passion. I found something that I was good at and that I enjoyed...and ran with it. It didn't hurt that my Doctorate program was 100% tuition paid, plus I got a nice monthly stipend, nice enough for me to have my own place, my own car... a good way to kill 2 birds with one stone (good education/no money out of my pocket!). This, the incentives, is what drove us (me and my friends in the program)... not some "passion" for what we were doing...

Sad, I know... but it is more common than you think, at least in my neck of the woods...

My brother (your personal groupie, LOL) is one who, from an early age, has pursued his dreams and passions DESPITE the family's protests. He is passionate about horses, so he spent his teen years working on horse farms, working rodeos, teaching kids how to ride horses, learning how to wrangle and stud horses. He loves fast cars and motorcyles, so he's heavy into mechanics stuff and restoration. He has, from as far back as I can remember, always wanted to be in the military... and as you can see, he is following that dream, despite my protests... He has never allowed the fam to stifle his dreams. I respect him for that. And that encourages me, too.

Now, that I am older and have a successful career, I feel free. There is no one around to stifle my dreams. It seems that NOW, in my mid-thirties no less, I have things I am extremely passionate about. I have dreams. I dream of writing, painting, photography, all kinds of creative stuff. I pursue much of this (I have an aunt who's an artist and photographer, and we work on these things together).

So I am a "late bloomer" on the dream side.

Your mother has an interesting point, though. There are folks out there who don't have dreams and passions, or don't really pursue them.

I think we are all influenced at a young age in some way. I think you were HIGHLY fortunate to have parents who encouraged you to pursue your dreams and didn't hassle you about it. I know A LOT of folks who didn't have that in their lives... And the folks that I do know who are pursuing their dreams are doing under protest from people around them.

Just imagine what would happen if we all were encouraged to pursue our dreams and passions...

OK, OK...I will STOP blogging in your comment section. LOL!

Good thought provoking post as always:)

Comment #3, by SoulSister

Hi, Tayari.

This is my third time trying to post, so I apologize in advance if you get this message three times. It's funny you should mention dreams. I was just talking to my mother about this, and how I was struggling with the fact that my dream of becoming a professor kind of dried up after graduate school. I love my subject matter, but I don't feel comfortable teaching (or grading). How, I asked my mother, could I so love a subject, and have been so convinced that I was following my dreams by returning to school, only to find myself disillusioned? So, to answer your question, I (or my mother, rather) would say that everyone needs dreams, and if one dream doesn't work out, find another. The challenge for me is letting go of what I thought was a sure dream.

Comment #4, by Jackie

Like LadyLee, I found your mother's revelation far too familiar. I, too, had some childhood dreams that changed often and were mostly not taken seriously by me or anyone else. I once wanted to be doctor, but my father and brother laughed at me for thinking as a girl I could ever be anything bigger than a nurse. My brother got the chemistry set and wouldn't let me play with it. He didn't know what the hell he was doing and I was denied the opportunity to try. At that moment, I decided I would never be a teacher, or nurse, the expected occupations for my generation, but would instead be free of my family. Well, that has been a mighty struggle. Guess what? You can never really be free of your family. However, you can come to appreciate them. So I chose to live (and continue to live) elsewhere, away from them and their limits. It hasn't been a bad life, just a recognition that while I did choose this life, this wasn't what I meant. Do I get a do-over?

With my son, I always, always, always encouraged him to dream, to ponder, to explore and to consider what was important to him. Afterall, is it really "work" if you look forward to doing it with every fiber of your being and you are successful at it? My family hasn't always understood why I allowed him this freedom. They still think we are weird. My instincts led me on this one. He will be the one who will pursue his dream. I will support his vision no matter if the dream changes from time to time, morphs, ducks and dives or wanders the universe. It is all OK with me and it will always be his choice. I support him 100% (but not those parking tickets; he has to reimburse me for those after grad school!).

I believe that there are a lot of us who did not grow up with a burning desire to do any one thing and for us it worked. What we did was make a way for future generations to have a choice and the freedom to understand and pursue that gift. My ability and willingness to stay with a job that didn't fulfill me, but gave me a better than average income and the stability with which to nurture the next generation was a great talent. I have enjoyed watching my son pursue his dreams.

Now as I come to the end of my unintentional career, I find I have earned something even rarer in this current economic climate: a guaranteed pension. It is my turn now to sit and ponder and consider what I want to do next, having paid some substantial dues for the privilege.

Comment #5, by Ladylee

@Jackie...

you said...

"So I chose to live (and continue to live) elsewhere, away from them and their limits."

That breaks my heart because I did the same thing in my late twenties. My sister did it too. It shouldn't have to be that way, but if that's what it takes to experience some freedom, to find wholeness... then so be it...

But it ought not to be so...

Comment #6, by Michael Fischer

Man am I embarrassed. I was still trying to wake up when I read this entry and thought you were saying your mother had never had a "dream" dream before. LOL.

Comment #7, by Michael Fischer

Anyway...

Funny thing about "dreaming of becoming a writer"--at least in my
case--is that I "dreamed of becoming a writer" before I knew what
"writing" was, if that makes sense.

I guess that's what might make "dreaming of becoming a writer" different than, say, "dreaming of becoming a fireman or banker or
fill_in_the____"

MF

Comment #8, by Jackie

LadyLee, I used to feel a longing for a family more like the ones of my friends, but over time I got used to dealing with what I had. Sometimes it is sad and other times (now that I am more appreciative), they are just hilarious. Still, I just spent a week with one of the last of the aunts (she is 88) and honey it was exhausting! Plus she gave me material that could land me on a late night comedy show. She also, like other family members, showed me how different I am from them, but also all the ways we are connected.

So while my family may be killer of dreams, they live the lives that work for them. Now I am wondering if they ever had dreams of doing something else.... At any rate, I do appreciate and love them, but I am glad to be back home.

Comment #9, by Bomani

Eh, I never had a dream, either. At least not about this sort of stuff. If I did dream, it was never about what I'd do for a living. Just figured I'd find something to do and roll from there.

No explanation, either. Just never had that kind of foresight.