Tayari's Blog: Walking in Memphis or Remembering MLK

Up on the roof, where the famous Peabody ducks live in their "penthouse", I was sitting at a little table. The view wasn't spectacular or anything, I just wanted to be in a space where I could be myself, where I didn't have to sit up straight, cross my legs and the ankle, and be a good talented-tenther and make everyone proud. I was tired, lonely, and depressed over a crappy review in People Magazine. (The caption under my photo read: "Jones: a partial success.")

While I was sitting there wondering why I signed up for this life in the first place, the "duckmaster" lead the pampered birds up to their cages. After they were all squared away, he sat himself down at my table. He was wearing a red jacket with gold braid, but close up I could see that underneath was a regular janitor's uniform.

"Quackers," he said. "I've had about enough."
"I hear you," I said.
"You the one from Atlanta?"
"Yes sir," I said.
"I sure hate that Dr. King was killed in Memphis. I hate that it happened on our watch. He never should have come here. They set him up."
"Who?" I asked.
"THEM," he said and gestured at all we could see from the rooftop. "I sure hate it."
"Oh," I said, with that weird feeling you get when you understand what someone is saying, but not quite.
"You been to the Lorraine motel yet? I pass it on my way to work everyday. It's just up the street. It's a museum now. You should go on over there."
I was pretty tired and didn't feel like going anywhere. Sensing my hesitation, he added, "It's free."

Being an Atlanta girl, I have visited all the King memorial sites in my hometown. I visited the boyhood home with this small signs telling you that these were not "ML's" actual toys but toys like the ones he would have played with. When relatives came to town, they always wanted to visit the white marble crypt on Auburn Ave. I've seen all those things a million times, but I can't say that I FELT anything.

The museum at the Lorraine hotel wasn't free, but I paid the entry fee. At first it was like any only civil rights museum. If it had a brand name it would be "struggle-lite". There were no really disturbing images, just the segregated water fountain signs, etc. I was bored. Why had the duckmaster sent me here?

At the very end of the exhibit was rooms 306-307, where Dr. King had stayed in on the last day of his life. The curators took care to recreate the atmosphere. There was a coffee cup half-full, an unmade bed and other personal touches that made it seem like Dr. King, Andy Young, Jessee Jackson, et al had just been in here making plans. When I crossed the threshold of the room, I tripped a switch that caused Mahalia Jackson to sing "Amazing Grace." I felt it all over my body. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a careful breath before looking out onto the balcony.

We have all seen the famous photo of Dr. King's compatriots pointing in the direction from which the fatal shots rang out. At the Lorraine motel, saw the view as they must have seen it. I saw with my eyes what Dr. King must have seen in the last moment of his life. There was nothing so memorable in that view.

The parking lot has been recreated: three fin tail cars are parked at an angle, just like in the picture. I stared out until my vision blurred with tears maybe and fatigue. Behind me, I the voice of Mahalia Jackson poured out of invisible speakers. This was hallowed ground. I took a cautious step out onto the balcony.

I cannot remember leaving the museum or the walk back to the Peabody. Back at the hotel, I ran into the duckmaster; this time he was wearing the janitor's uniform.

"Did you go?" he said.
I nodded.
"It got to you?"
I nodded.
"Course it did," he said. "You from Atlanta. Just think how it feels for those of us who live here."