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Tayari's Blog: Ah, Youth!

Posted by TayariJones on March 25, 2008 04:26 PM
Filed under The Writing Life

Every now and then, I run into some artifact from my past. In this case, it was the 2001 edition of Grants and Awards Available to American Writers. Nowadays, the Grants and Awards is a searchable database, but back in the day, it was a soft-bound book you could hold in your hands.

I found my copy in a box labeled "Leaving Atlanta." I ordered the book in 2001, when my first novel had been accepted for publication, but had not yet been produced. My copy of the book is full of highlighted passages and notes scrawled in the margins. You would not believe my level of fabulousness. Pulitzer Prize? Highlighted in green. Beside such awards as The Rome Prize which were designated as internal nomination only I wrote "research this." I even identified prizes for which my friends would be eligible.

That year, I applied for everything. With my tired desk jet printer I produced letter after letter... "Dear Sir/Madame, I am writing to find out more information.... enclosed is a SASE..." I loved working so hard on creating opportunities for myself. I even wrote to George Washington University to inquire about the Jenny McKean Moore Writer in Residence position. Six years, and three application cyles later, I actually ended up with the job-- and loved every minute of it.

There is something to be said for the wide-openness with which a young writer approaches the world. I want that self back. I want to be that young lady who has the confidence of having a book accepted for publication, but hasn't yet known the heartbreaks that come along with putting herself out there.

I still apply for everything, but it's different now. Not as much fun. Years ago, a jaded older writer said to me, "Apply for everything. Every day I hear about someone getting something they don't deserve. It's only a matter of time before the same thing happens to you!" I am ashamed to say that I have even repeated these words as my own.

I know it's almost April, and a little late to make New Year's resolutions, but I am hereby resolving to recapture the eager young writer who lives somewhere inside of me. I am going get that joy back. I am going to cup all that optimism in my hands like a winking firefly.

March 26, 2008 09:57 AM

March 26, 2008 11:06 AM