Every rejection letter starts something like this:  ”Dear Ms. Jones, I am sorry to tell you that we are unable to offer you a fellowship/residency/admissions/whatever.”  Then there is a statement like this, “We received a GAZILLION submissions from qualified applicants but we were only able to award one-point-five fellowships/residencies/admissions/whatever.”  I sometimes read that as– Dear Ms. Jones, we don’t like  you and or your work.

But after serving on a number of committees that award fellowships/residencies/admissions/whatever, I can tell you from the inside that this is actually true.  I have never sat on a grant panel where there haven’t been very good applications that had to be turned down.  This is mostly because of money.  Arts funding is at an all time low, and the economy is bad.  So what does this mean?  It means that artists who used to make enough money from doing art– because they are accomplished and well known– are now applying for more grants and contests to get by, to get published. It’s really shocking, how I see pretty big names on press releases for grants, etc that used to be unofficially earmarked for emerging writers.

You are not the only one feeling discouraged right about now. So I just wanted to urge you not to be so sad, or at least not to be so sad that you give up.  Your application was good.  I read it, helped you proof it.  So I know it was good.  And trust me, I wrote you a hell of a letter of recommendation   You deserved the opportunity and there was probably someone at the table that wanted to give it to you.  It’s just that times are hard.  There is less to go around right now.  But you are still growing and learning and creating.  Keep at it.  Try again next year.  It’s just a matter of time.  I promise.

Love,

Tayari

In January I imagined that would be zipping through my novel. I thought the neighbors would be complaining about all the noise from my typewriters.  I also hoped I would be able to communicate in Spanish by now.  I took the language class, but it it just didn’t take. (sigh).  I pictured myself with all new clothes because my excellent nutrition and tireless exercise would have transformed me back to my high school self!  You get the idea.

On the plus side. I did pick up and go to Paris in January.  And I have kept true to my goal of writing at least three letters a month.  (Recipients of these letters, can you write me back?)  I’ve taken twitter and facebook off my phone, so I can be more present in my non-virtual life.  It’s amazing how different life is when there’s isn’t a cocktail party going on in your phone.  I’m actually something of a regular at my gym now.  3 days a week– 6am spin class.  I’m seeing results, too.  Slow, over-40 results, but something is happening and I’m proud of that.  My novel is moving forward…. slooooowly. But it’s getting there. I am not satisfied with my progress, but I must give myself a little credit.  That said, I have sort of lost that January sparkle.  Maybe it’s because I have gotten some rejections for some of the opportunities I so enthusiastically applied for in winter.  And maybe it’s just a natural ebb and flow.  But whatever the cause, it’s a rut and I don’t like it.

So this year, I decided to do the resolution thing more often.  So my resolve petered out in March.  Well, then it’s time to get some new resolve.  My idea is to try a summer resolution.  What do I want to accomplish between Memorial Day and Labor Day?  Here’s an (incomplete) list:

1. Get in at least 4 writing days every week
2. Add one extra day of weight training to my work out
3. Go on two “artist dates” a month
4. Learn to meditate
5. In general, work harder at what matters to me

Okay, now it’s your turn.  What do you want for yourself this summer?

Manhattanville College’s MFA program in pleased to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of its Summer Writers’ Week from June 24-28, 2013.

Summer Writers’ Week offers writers an opportunity to spend an intensive week working closely with some of the country’s finest writers and teachers of writing. Enjoy workshops in Fiction, Poetry, Creative Nonfiction (Memoir/Autobiography), and Children’s/Young Adult Writing.

details here.

Leaving Atlanta, Tayari Jones’ 2002 debut novel, is the 2013 selection.  She will travel to College Station, Texas to participate in a number of literary events on April 1-3.  More details here.

On April 7th, Tayari Jones will deliver the closing keynote address at the 2013 Writers Digest Conference in New York City.  The address, “You Already Have Everything You Need,” will be an inspirational message drawing from Jones’s own experiences as an author. More details here.

I have a couple of applications pending and I really really hope that I get at least one of them.  I usually apply to three things, hoping to get at least one.  This time, I have only two apps out there, so I am worried that I didn’t cover all my bases, but these things happen.

The point of this post is to give you my secret to dealing with rejection.  Here it is– get rejected all the time.  Seriously.  You will grow a thicker skin.  Take a lesson from middle school boys.

When I was in eighth grade,  I asked a boy to dance.  I spent about twenty minutes working up my nerve and another five minutes fretting about lip gloss.  Short version is that he said no, and I was crushed.  Crushed!  Why? Because I had never asked a boy to dance before and I had so much riding on it.  On the other hand, look at the boys in the room.  They were asking lots of girls to dance.  Some said no, some said yes.  (And let me tell you, when someone finally asked me, I said YES.)  But the boys didn’t have to run to the bathroom to cry after being rejected.  I’m not saying they liked it, but they regarded the rejections and just part of the process of finally getting someone to slow dance with them.  And they knew this– asking ten girls to dance greatly increases your chances getting a little smooch by the end of the night.

When I tell people that I received 22 rejections for my first novel, they sometimes gasp and ask me how I was able to take it.  But truthfully, out of those 22, I only remember three or four of them.  But the acceptance– I’ll never forget it.

This month, I will be giving readings and signings in Tennesee, Maryland, Alabama and Tennessee.  If you’re in the area, I’d love to see you there.  Here are the details:

• Thursday, February 21, 7:00p,m–Salisbury, Maryland
  Wor-Wic Community College, Echoes and Visions Reading Series
  Reading and Signing
• Saturday, February 23 — Birmingham, Alabama
   Southern Voices Festival
  Reading and Signing
• Wednesday, February 27, 6pm– Clemson, South Carolina
  356 Sushi & Martini Bar (366 College Ave, Clemson, SC, 29631).
  Reading and Signing
• Thursday, February 28, 6pm– Johnson City, Tennesee
  East Tennesee State University
  Reading and Signing

This weekend, I would like to invite you to experience COZBI.  There is a special sale all weekend long– Friday to Sunday.  On Saturday, February 2 from 11am-7pm, I will personally be at COZBI signing all three of my novels and also trying on clothes and enjoying the amazing sale.  Please come and join me.

COZBI
351 5th Ave
Park Slope, Brooklyn
718.246.7960

(and here’s a video we did together. yes, i was excited.)

I have done the other thing. I have written bitter and cruel things and even published some them and I regret every one.”

– from Falling Through Space by Ellen Gilchrist